My friend Kathy, who turned 60 today, gave me a great book by Anna Quindlen, the author and Pulitzer-winning columnist. It's called "A Short Guide to a Happy Life," and I devoured it as soon as I opened it. It's only 50 pages, so it was a very quick read. It was an early birthday present. Kathy is the one who I kid about being much older than me -- 12 days. But those 12 days are huge right now. She is in her 60s and I'm still in my 50s.
The book by Quindlen offered a lot of wisdom that she gathered from her own life experiences, and from those who influenced her. I've been feeling very philosophical on this road to 60 so this fit my mood perfectly. I'm 12 days away and I'm trying to make sense of it all.
As my family and friends know all too well, I'm a workaholic who has desperately tried to find a balance. It keeps tipping toward the job, especially as I get older. Isn't that supposed to change as you age?
It makes me recall my 41st birthday in 1990. My family was going to meet me at a Fresno restaurant to celebrate my birthday. The problem was that I had to finish a crucial news story about a very tight congressional race. There were high-profile charges and counter-charges between the two candidates and it took all evening to sort them out. I told my family members to go to the restaurant and I'd meet them there. The hours slipped by and I couldn't get away from the newspaper until the story was done. There was always one more detail to check.
That news story was a solid piece of reporting, and I was praised for it. Meanwhile, my family had finished dinner and headed home without the guest of honor showing up. They boxed up my steak dinner. About 11 p.m., I got to my parents' house to pick up my daughter, and claim my birthday meal. My family understood, but that memory has stayed with me 19 years later.
That's one reason the Quindlen book struck such a chord. She offered this bit of wisdom: "No man on his deathbed said he wished he'd spent more time at the office."
She also suggested that you consider your thoughts if you just had a aneurysm. What would be important then? Getting that last bit of work done at the office, or spending as much time as possible with the ones you love?
"Get a life in which you notice the smell of salt water pushing itself on a breeze over the dunes, a life in which you stop and watch how a red-tailed hawk circles over a pond and a stand of pines. Get a life in which you pay attention to a baby as she scowls with concentration as she tries to pick up a Cheerio with her thumb and first finger."
I think part of my journey to 60 is about getting a life. I surely don't have it figured out yet. In a highly competitive job, you are expected to perform at your highest level all the time. But I'm trying to find the proper balance, and that gives me hope.
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WOW! Beautifully said. We are learning more and more about you with every post on this blog, and you are probably learning more and more about yourself as well. Thanks for sharing your private thoughts so eloquently.
ReplyDeleteIt's a tough call. If you don't throw yourself into your job, the employer might throw you out of your job, and how would your family feel then? As you said, it's all about striking a balance. But if that were so easy, everyone would know how to do it. It's not like having a 9-5 job where you clock in, do your work, and clock out. I don't know too many professionals who watch the clock.
ReplyDeleteYou are becoming much more wise as you approach 60. Just think how smart you'll be if you live to be 100!
ReplyDeleteIt seems that Quindlen knows what she is talking about. It sounds like a book worth reading. Some of the things you quoted remind me of the saying, "Wherever you are... be there."
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